My Heart Got Stolen

My heart got stolen thrice today.

The first time happened during the junior clinician’s orientation earlier-

I was, for the lack of words, lost.

They were discussing rules, policies, instructions, and I was just… what’s going on?

I guess I have to read everything again to make sure that I catch up quickly, but I also want to add that although I am extremely grateful for being able to reach the final stage of my ultimate dream; I am scared.

But Shaira, you have been studying for the longest time, and this is all that you have ever dreamt of since last year- why chicken out now?

First of all, I am just scared- I am not giving up. I am scared that I might be the dumbest in our batch, the one who can’t finish anything, the one who doesn’t have enough instruments to use, the one who has to borrow stuff from her BFF just so she can join lab classes, the one who has to work for 8 long hours to send herself to school.

However, I just realized that was the old version of me- the Shaira who has to study while working full-time, the Shaira who is always dependent on Nica, Kylie, & Mar, the Shaira who has to always ask for medical assistance for her aunt, and the Shaira who doesn’t study her lessons.

I am not that Shaira anymore.

I am now the Shaira who organizes her to-do list before she sleeps at night; the Shaira who always asks everyone about what’s going on in school; the Shaira who’s got her family, friends, and boyfriend’s support; the Shaira who has the opportunity to work when she wants to and is no longer bound to any work schedule.

So yeah, I was able to find my heart eventually.

The second time that my heart got stolen today was the time when Oyo slowly crawled towards me as I was lying on bed.

Oyo, by the way, is my furbaby who has kept me sane throughout the pandemic.

And now, I have to leave him again because I have to study. If only I can find a place where I can stay and bring him there too. If only I can bring him at school. If only…

But then I got my heart back when I realized that I wasn’t leaving him for good- the reason behind I am leaving is to give him a bigger backyard. I am going to entrust him with the people who raised me; and I know that they won’t neglect him and that they would love him as much as they loved me.

The last time that my heart got stolen today was when I was talking to my boyfriend, Mark. My hero, my life, and my go-to person.

He might be miles away, but he’s my constant.

It might sound cheesy, but we both choose each other everyday; and that’s what love is all about right?

Love is a choice, and we both choose to stay with each other.

He (and my aunt in the background) were comforting me as I was crying my heart out over the fact that I am leaving Oyo, and I am scared shitless that I am starting clinics now.

And this is the gist of what he told me:

It’s okay to be scared. You’re a person with feelings. It is scary to be out of your comfort zone, and you can’t forever be studying and working on a plastic head. It’s called dental practice hun, you have to practice it on actual people.

No matter how scared you are, always remember that I got your back, always.

I believe that there is a God, and I am forever grateful of Him; because of all the shit that I had to go through in life, I have a family, a group of genuine friends, a loving and velcro pup, and I have a boyfriend who always help me find my missing heart.

Happy Valentine’s Day, universe! May all of our hearts get stolen, in the most intricate, unexplainable, yet magical way.